I was blessed, thanks to a gift from my brother, to be able to spend the majority of the past week on vacation with my family near Yellowstone National Park. This was actually the first real family vacation that we've had with all of our kids. All of the other vacations that we've taken have been timed to coincide with family visits in order to avoid expensive hotel stays. This one, though, was just five days of schedule-free, pressure-free fun.
I had some high expectations as I was packing and planning for this trip. I bought board games and barred the kids from bringing their video gaming system, with the purpose of spending a lot of quality time together. I planned meals that the kids would like. We would spend every second together, bonding and laughing and just reveling in our family time. It didn't take long for my good-intentioned bubble to burst. The first morning that we were there, we decided to head down to the pool. Everyone except for my oldest daughter who had developed a "headache". We left her in the room and went down for an hour or so to swim. When I came back up to the room, I found her texting her friends - sans headache. I snatched my phone away from her and angrily told her how disappointed I was that she couldn't even spend a couple of days without choosing her friends over her family. She stormed to the bedroom and shut the door, where she stayed for most of the day. As the kids showered and changed after swimming, they kind of separated, and each ended up in front of whichever of the two televisions had a more appealing program on. So much for unity.
The weather was cold and windy and snowy, but we barely even noticed. The kids were content to spend most of the week in the pool. Even though all of them are pretty good swimmers, I was reluctant at first to just let them go by themselves. After a couple times sitting by the pool and watching them, I finally realized that by letting them have some time away from me, I would also have some precious quiet time. I could see the pool house from the balcony off my room, so the kids and I agreed that every hour, on the hour, they would go to the window and wave and I would wave back. There were a few times that they let the time get away from them and weren't at the window at the appointed hour, so I would just walk down and check to make sure that they were all ok. And, of course they were. So much for family time.
It wasn't until the third day that we finally got out the board games and sat around the table and played. It was so much fun! Even the grouchy teenagers were smiling and laughing. At first, I thought that we had finally attained my "family time" goal because the kids were tired or the pool was closed or there was nothing on TV. Looking back, however, there was a much more simple explanation. I had finally relaxed my unrealistic expectations and the kids could bear to be around me.
I'm not sure why I do that - set the bar so impossibly high. I do it a lot, though. I want everything to be just right. "I'll be happy only if the kids are perfectly content to do the things that I want them to." "I'll be happy when the house is clean." "I'll be happy when I lose weight." "I'll finally be able to be happy when the bills are paid off." And on and on and on. There's always a new standard for my happiness which happens to be just beyond my reach. It seems that I can't be just be happy with whatever my current circumstances may be.
And then cometh the judgment of the Holy One upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still. (Mormon 9:14)
That was a little bit of a wake up call. If I don't shape up and be happy with who I am and what I have, I'll never get to be happy. There was no magic "family-time" zone that we passed through on our way to Yellowstone, and there will be no magic "happy" veil that I'll pass through after I die. If I'm not satisfied with anything here on earth, chances are that nothing will meet my expectations in the after-life either.
I read a quote from President Monson today that I thought would be very fitting for this topic. He said, "The past is behind - learn from it. The future is ahead - prepare for it. The present is here - live it." If I learned anything from our vacation last week, it's that I'm so busy looking into the future and holding onto the past that I don't live in the now. And I'm not only robbing my kids of the mom they deserve, I'm robbing myself of the happiness that really is within my reach. Time for a fresh start!
When we read that as a family, I had a little wake up call also. We need to choose to be happy and sometimes choosing happiness is extremely difficult but it is possible if we keep trying.
ReplyDeleteGood post Heather. Remember Lot's wife.