Suffer the Little Children

But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 19:14)

And it came to pass that he commanded that their little children should be brought.

So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought to him.(3 Nephi 17:11-12)

And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

And when he had done this he wept again;

And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them:  Behold your little ones. (3Nephi 17:21-23)

My grandmother's viewing was held on Sunday, the day before her funeral.  It was a solemn experience, seeing her so motionless.  In life, Grandma was anything but motionless.  She was a ball of fire - always on the go.  So it was a little strange to see her lifeless body on display.  It seemed like there was a long stream of people who came to pay their respects.  As grandchildren and great grandchildren, we mostly stayed off to the side, letting other people have their quiet moment with her.  We took family pictures and talked and looked at the display of Grandma's life to pass the time.  

As I was talking to my dad, my eyes wandered to the other side of the large room, where I saw that my little girls and some of their cousins were playing a game of patty-cake.  They were clapping their hands together and dancing and singing loudly - right in front of my grandma's casket.   Thinking that this probably wasn't an appropriate time or place for such behavior, I walked over and told them that they needed to stop because it might be making some people uncomfortable.  They obediently and quietly walked to the other side of the room.

Photo by Scott Kirk

In retrospect, I wish I wouldn't have stopped them.  I'm sure that, somewhere, my grandmother was smiling.  She loved music and games.  I sometimes hear the catch phrase "What Would Jesus Do?".  I think in this situation, instead of stopping the girls, Jesus may have joined them.  He loved little children.  He showed that through his words and actions.  He often counseled that everyone should be as little children - pure and meek and mild.  I think that I've lost some of that childlike innocence.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a [woman], I put away childish things. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

How boring.  I have let the stresses and responsibilities of life crowd out some very important behaviors.  I need to learn again how to speak and understand and think as a child.  I must become less uptight and starchy.  Stop sweating the small stuff.  That's what Jesus would have me do.

A long time ago, in a beautiful place, children were gathered 'round Jesus.  He blessed and taught as they felt of his love - each saw the tears on his face.  The love that he felt for his little ones, I know he feels for me.  I did not touch him or sit on his knee, but Jesus is real to me.  Wrapped in the arms of my Savior's love, I feel his gentle touch.  Living each day, I will follow his way - home to my Father above.  I know he lives.   I will follow faithfully.  My heart I give to him.  I know that my Savior loves me. (I know that my Savior Loves Me, words and music by Tami Jeppson Creamer and Derena Bell)

How grateful I am for the knowledge that my Savior loves me - even if I am uptight and starchy.  Once again, I can look to my children as an example of Christlike behavior.  What a blessing.

 Click here to read what I read today: 3 Nephi 17

Because I Love Them

There's a fine line, I think, between parenting and over-parenting.  I don't know that I've really discovered where that line is yet, but I do think I'm getting better at seeing the line between parenting and under-parenting.  There are just so many different forms of "acceptable" parenting today.  To spank or not to spank.  Is grounding ok?  Are chores fine?  It can be pretty confusing.

There's one thing that I wish I would have discovered when my children were much younger and I hadn't had time to totally mess them up, and that's that the scriptures are perhaps one of the greatest parenting resources around.  As I've been writing, I've noticed the amazing example that my Heavenly Father is when it comes to parenting, and this has been such a blessing to me.

Something that I've really struggled with as my children get older is when to let them go.  At what age to say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices."  I never really thought that I was a control freak, but these teenage years have really brought that out in me, and I've had such an inner battle about when to let go.

And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. (Helaman 14:30)

From that verse, it would appear that there is a time that I should just leave it up to my kids to be responsible for their actions, once they've received the knowledge that they should have.  They have their own free agency, and if I've given them the tools that they need, then they will just have to make their own choices and suffer the consequences.  This didn't help clear my mind at all when it comes to letting go.  How will I know when they're ready?  Does my job as a mother just magically end when I feel that I've taught them all the essential skills to make it on their own?

I kept reading, and I'm so glad that I did.

...yea, in the days of their iniquities hath he chastened them because he loveth them. (Helaman 15:3)

Samuel was talking of the Nephites, to whom the Lord had imparted the most knowledge and the most trust.  They were going astray, and Samuel had been sent to preach repentance to them.  The Lord did not say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and then turn his back on them.  No.  He gave them that knowledge, taught them how to live, and when they were living incorrectly he chastised them and tried to help them correct their courses.  Whether they listened and repented was still their choice.  He didn't take away that agency, his purpose was to enhance it by reminding them of the consequences. 

When my children were younger, and I could see that they were headed out into the street or toward some other danger, I didn't say "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and just hope that they wouldn't get hit by a car or fall in the river.  I stopped them.  So why am I struggling now, as they get older, to lead them the same way?  They are still wandering into danger.  Just a different kind.  No matter what the world is telling me about letting them "be themselves", it is still my responsibility to lead and direct them.  Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my mind, thanks to the incredible example of my Father in Heaven.  I am not nagging when I'm redirecting them.  I am not over-parenting.  I chasten them because I love them.