Behold, it is expedient that much should be done among this people, because of the hardness of their hearts, and the deafness of their ears, and the blindness of their minds, and the stiffness of their necks; nevertheless, God is exceedingly merciful unto them, and has not as yet swept them off from the face of the land.(Jarom 1:3)
The last time I read the Book of Mormon, I remember reading this verse on a particularly hard mom-of-a-teenage-daughter day. I had really had enough of the deafness of her ears and the blindness of her mind. I was ready to get out my broom and sweep her off the face of the land. She didn't think it was as funny as I did.
Today, as I was reading, the teenager comparison was still in my mind (maybe because I had written "teenagers" and a little smiley face in the margin the last time I read), but as I continued to read, I could look at it a little more from my daughter's point of view. "And the laws of the land were exceedingly strict" (Jarom 1:5). I do have some strict rules for my kids. Nothing outrageous or harsh, but I am much more strict than some of their friends' parents. They have a curfew. They have dating rules ("so lame"). They have certain jobs around the house. There are limits to cell phone use and video game use. They have a bedtime (this doesn't seem crazy to me, but believe it or not, they have friends with no set bedtime). I have to know where they are and who they're with and what they're doing as much as it is possible for me to do so. I expect respect, not only for me but for other adults and, most importantly, I demand that they respect themselves. Right now, they certainly are of the opinion that "the laws of the land are exceedingly strict".
These days, in the world, there is much discussion on parental behavior. It seems that the general consensus is that we must be our kids' friends. We must not hinder their growth with things like rules and chores. We must let them discover who they are by giving them the freedom to explore. While I agree that kids need some room to explore and to make mistakes, I also firmly believe that without boundaries, it's actually much tougher for them to figure out who they really are. There is so much coming at them from all directions. There is no room for inner reflection - only the world telling them what they should wear and what entertainment they should like and ultimately who they should be.
Much like the Lamanites and Nephites were at constant battle with each other, my kids walk out the door every morning to face a battle of their own. They have to make so many choices! Who to be with, who to listen to. They (especially the older kids) battle with me at least a few times a week because they feel that I'm being unreasonable. Just yesterday, I was "forcing" my daughter to do something that she didn't want to do. We had made a deal earlier in the day that if she completed this task, she would be able to make some plans for last night. At the time, she didn't have any specific plans, but I knew that something would inevitably come up, it being a Saturday night and all. I reminded her many times throughout the day that she'd better get started. There was always a reason why she would start "in a minute". Finally, I forced her to begin. In the middle of the task, a friend invited her to a concert, for which she would be leaving any minute. My daughter begged and pleaded with me to let her go, even though the job wasn't done. I wouldn't budge. Because I was standing my ground, I was dubbed "ridiculous" and "lame" and I believe a "stupid" or two was thrown in there. I didn't flinch. Now don't think that I never flinch, because sometimes do I not only flinch, I explode. But last night, I didn't flinch. I helped her finish the job, and we got it done just in time for her to still be able to go to the concert with her friend. Suddenly, I was the best mom ever. Only in fairytales and motherhood can one be a wicked witch, a superhero and a princess - all in the same day.
Parenting is hard. Parenting done correctly is harder. It's not easy to enforce rules and expect good behavior. Kids will be kids. But, because I love them, I make rules. I want them to succeed. Just as the Lord said, "Inasmuch as ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land" (Jarom 1:9), I know that if I make and enforce just and fair rules for my kids, they will prosper by following them. My parents were strict. They expected many of the same things of me as I expect of my kids. At times I did think the rules were unreasonable. But now, having kids of my own, I can see the wisdom of my parents and the boundaries they set, and I am so grateful for them.
Wherefore, the prophets, and the priests, and the teachers, did labor diligently, exhorting with all long-suffering the people to diligence;...
...for they did prick their hearts with the word, continually stirring them up unto repentance. (Jarom 1:11-12)
Labor diligently. Exhort. Be long-suffering. Continually. Just as the prophets and teachers of old did not give up, I cannot give up. My job is too important! It's hard work, and it is worth every ounce of labor and long-suffering. I think I'll keep that broom in the closet for a little while longer.
