There's a fine line, I think, between parenting and over-parenting. I don't know that I've really discovered where that line is yet, but I do think I'm getting better at seeing the line between parenting and under-parenting. There are just so many different forms of "acceptable" parenting today. To spank or not to spank. Is grounding ok? Are chores fine? It can be pretty confusing.
There's one thing that I wish I would have discovered when my children were much younger and I hadn't had time to totally mess them up, and that's that the scriptures are perhaps one of the greatest parenting resources around. As I've been writing, I've noticed the amazing example that my Heavenly Father is when it comes to parenting, and this has been such a blessing to me.
Something that I've really struggled with as my children get older is when to let them go. At what age to say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices." I never really thought that I was a control freak, but these teenage years have really brought that out in me, and I've had such an inner battle about when to let go.
And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. (Helaman 14:30)
From that verse, it would appear that there is a time that I should just leave it up to my kids to be responsible for their actions, once they've received the knowledge that they should have. They have their own free agency, and if I've given them the tools that they need, then they will just have to make their own choices and suffer the consequences. This didn't help clear my mind at all when it comes to letting go. How will I know when they're ready? Does my job as a mother just magically end when I feel that I've taught them all the essential skills to make it on their own?
I kept reading, and I'm so glad that I did.
...yea, in the days of their iniquities hath he chastened them because he loveth them. (Helaman 15:3)
Samuel was talking of the Nephites, to whom the Lord had imparted the most knowledge and the most trust. They were going astray, and Samuel had been sent to preach repentance to them. The Lord did not say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and then turn his back on them. No. He gave them that knowledge, taught them how to live, and when they were living incorrectly he chastised them and tried to help them correct their courses. Whether they listened and repented was still their choice. He didn't take away that agency, his purpose was to enhance it by reminding them of the consequences.
When my children were younger, and I could see that they were headed out into the street or toward some other danger, I didn't say "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and just hope that they wouldn't get hit by a car or fall in the river. I stopped them. So why am I struggling now, as they get older, to lead them the same way? They are still wandering into danger. Just a different kind. No matter what the world is telling me about letting them "be themselves", it is still my responsibility to lead and direct them. Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my mind, thanks to the incredible example of my Father in Heaven. I am not nagging when I'm redirecting them. I am not over-parenting. I chasten them because I love them.
Great insight! Thanks Heather. Keep posting. :)
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