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| ©Darrell Wyatt |
Since I started this blog, I have had sort of a routine. I get the kids off to school and then I sit down and read. Sometimes, as I'm reading, thoughts will pop into my head and I'll know the exact direction that I want my writing to take me. More often, though, I will have a jumble of thoughts to sort through and decide what I should write about. I usually, but not always, say a prayer before I start typing. Some days, even with much thought and a prayer, I can't decide what I will say. On those days I usually read and then do something else while I'm thinking. Sometimes I check my email and play computer games until I think of something. Other days I shower or do the dishes or run errands. Today, I decided to catch up on some of my TV shows. We don't have cable, so I watch nearly everything the next day on the internet. The shows that I watched today usually have some objectionable content, but I have always pushed it to the back of my mind because the storylines are so intriguing.
As I was watching today, I became completely immersed in the plot of one of the shows. It detailed the egregious attack of a woman doctor in her office. It was played out with such authenticity that when the show was over, I couldn't shake the emotions that had come over me. This is going to sound completely cliche, but it felt dark in my house. This is one of the most beautiful days we've had all fall. A bright, gorgeous, totally out of the ordinary November day. But when that show finished, it might as well have been the darkest, rainiest, most dreary day of the year.
Contrast that to just an hour earlier. I had just finished reading my scriptures and pondering what I was going to write about. There's such a peaceful, calm feeling that I get after I've really read and concentrated on what I was reading. It's so serene, and well...lovely. There really isn't a much better feeling.
I read more about the army of Helaman and how those young boys fought so valiantly and with so much faith. At the end of a horrendous battle, "there was not one soul of them who did perish" (Alma 57:25). Their faith in and trust of God's ability to deliver them paid off. But that's not all. Faith alone is not what saved them. It was the action that they put behind that faith.
Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness...(Alma 57:21)
Exactness. No waffling. No shortcuts. Only exactness.
As I've been thinking about my experience this morning, I've come to the conclusion that had I been following "every word of command with exactness", I would have been able to escape that roller coaster of emotions. I have always known, even if I pushed it aside, that the show I watched was inappropriate. Had I listened to my conscience and stopped watching months ago, I would have been doing something else this morning. Instead, I ruined that spirit that I had with me after reading my scriptures. I could have gone for a walk. I could have done chores or errands (heaven knows I have a few waiting). However, because I chose to give in to my curiosity or boredom or whatever got me started watching in the first place, I changed the course of my day. But, just as it was my actions that caused the dark feeling that came over me, it is also my choice of action that can lift it. I reread my scriptures, and I feel much better already. I can't erase the feelings that I had while watching, and I don't think I want to. I hope that I can always remember that contrast that I felt between doing something worthwhile and something useless and degrading. Sometimes I think that I need a little wake up call in order to correct my course. I think this was it. After today, I'm on my way back to exactness in observing and performing "every word of command".
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