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| ©Darrell Wyatt |
As I'm reading these chapters, full of Alma's advice to his sons, I am noticing some interesting things. With the first two boys, Alma was very positive and thankful that they had chosen to go down a righteous path. Helaman and Shiblon both had strong testimonies of Christ and had become good at preaching of His coming. Alma spent the majority of his time with them bearing witness that the things they knew were indeed true and telling them why he believed those things. He then sent them off to continue preaching. When it came time for him to talk to his youngest son, Corianton, he took quite a different tone.
And now, my son, I have somewhat more to say unto thee than what I said unto thy brother; for behold, have ye not observed the steadiness of thy brother, his faithfulness, and his diligence in keeping the commandments of God? Behold, has he not set a good example for thee? For thou didst not give so much heed unto my words as did thy brother..."(Alma 39:1-2)
Corianton was rebellious. Alma gave him a list of the things he had done to disappoint him - he was boastful and vain and he had spent his time "hooking up", to use one of my kids' terms, with one of the local harlots. Alma told him that he knew that she was beautiful and that "she did steal away the hearts of many", but that this was no excuse for Corianton leaving the ministry to be with her.
...I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good.(Alma 39:7)
My kids don't like to be reminded of the things that they've done wrong, but sometimes it's necessary to make them feel a little bit of remorse for their actions in order for them to understand that they need to change.
Alma also tried to make Corianton understand that there were consequences to his actions that also affected people around him. "...for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words"(Alma 39:11). I think that this has been one of the toughest things to get across to my kids - that they aren't just hurting themselves, but they are influencing other people. People are always watching, whether we know it or not, and what they see will have an impact on how they feel about us or our religion or our families.
The thing that strikes me the most about this part of Alma's discussion with Corianton is that Corianton seemed like an exact replica of Alma as a young man. Alma was rebellious. He did many, many things that were "abominable in the sight of the Lord". Yet not once in his talk with his son did he mention any of these things. He never said, "I've been there. I understand what you're going through." It was as if none of those things ever happened. And it wasn't because he was choosing to forget or block out his past, because in the chapters previous, when he was talking the Helaman and Shiblon, he discussed his actions with them. I've pondered a little on this every time I have read these chapters, and I have come to the conclusion that had Alma told Corianton of his past, it may have given him an excuse to keep sinning. After all, his dad turned out just fine. He could repent later.
I was always a little upset as I was growing up when I'd receive a different punishment than my siblings when we did the exact same thing wrong. I remember my mom telling me that she couldn't treat us all the same because the same punishment wouldn't work the same way for me as it would for someone else. I did not understand that until I had children of my own. Each of my kids has a different personality and a different "hot button". Whereas grounding may work for one child, another child wouldn't be fazed by it. Just as Alma knew he could speak to his first two sons about his past, he also was aware that it may not be a good idea to talk to Corianton in the same way. He knew his kids, and he knew the best way to get through to each one of them. I love his example of "personalized parenting".
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