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| My cute nephews ©Darrell Wyatt |
"Because I said so."
Oh how I disliked hearing those words as I was growing up. I swore that I would never say them to my kids. It's funny how perfect a mom I was - until I actually had kids. Of course I've said "Because I said so" to my kids many times. Sometimes there's no other way to answer them when they ask why they have to do something or why they can't do something. As a mom, I just sometimes know in my heart whether something is right or wrong, and there is no other reason for my decision.
It was heartening to me to read more of Alma's words to his son, Helaman, today. He was giving him charge of the precious records of their ancestors and telling him to keep them safe. He knew that Heavenly Father wanted them to be passed down from generation to generation, but he didn't know why. He only knew that God said so.
Now these mysteries are not yet fully made known unto me; therefore I shall forebear.
And it may suffice if I only say they are preserved for a wise purpose, which purpose is know unto God; for he doth counsel in wisdom over all his works, and his paths are straight, and his course is one eternal round. (Alma 37:11)
Basically, God had previously said, "Take care of these records, because I said so." And Alma did, without questioning, because he had seen the power and wisdom of God manifest itself in his life many years prior. He knew Heavenly Father would never lead him astray or waste time with frivolous or meaningless commandments.
One of my favorite verses in this chapter says:
Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. (Alma 37:6)
So many times, the rules or guidelines that I set for my kids are met with rolled eyes or even anger. No rule has caused more arguments in our home than my choice to not let my children have "sleepovers". There have been some circumstances that have made me feel more than justified in making this decision, but they are things that I really don't need to discuss with my kids. Hence, "Because I said so" slips from my lips. My kids, especially the older ones, have told me how dumb this rule is. "What's it going to hurt?" "Why don't you trust my friends?" or worse, "Why don't you trust me?" It's not a matter of trust, I try to explain to them. I just have a really bad feeling about sleepovers. Just as Alma said to Helaman, I say to my kids - "I know you don't understand. And that's ok. You don't need to understand, you just need to listen. Someday you may understand, and someday you may not. But for now, you have to do it because I said so." The tantrums pass eventually, and I know that I've done what I feel is right for my family.
Therefore I command you, my son Helaman, that ye be diligent in fulfilling all my words, and that ye be diligent in keeping the commandments of God as they are written. (Alma 37:20)
There are also rules that kids, being kids, will try to fudge a little bit. No single dating means just that - no single dating. It doesn't mean "I can single date as long as I'm in a theater full of people". But boy does she try! It's tough to be the enforcer. It would be easier most of the time to give in and let the kids do what they want. To not have to face tantrums and rolling eyes and slamming doors. But my thoughts are this: More tantrums now, less heartache later. All of these rules and guidelines that I'm setting for the kids will, I hope, help them to grow into mature, responsible adults who are capable of making the right choices when their parents aren't around. This is also the reason Heavenly Father gave us commandments. We all need rules to help us grow, and we need to follow them "as they are written" - no fudging allowed.
No parent is perfect. No child is perfect. The combination of imperfect parents and imperfect children sometimes seems an impossible mountain to climb. But by using the example of my Heavenly Father - the only truly perfect parent, I should be able to get my kids through these tough growing up years. If I can prove to my kids that I "counsel in wisdom", and not get too hung up on things that don't really matter, it will be much easier for them to trust me when I can't really find a great answer when they ask "why?". And someday, they'll have the courage to say to their own children, "Because I said so."
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