Who's the Boss?

This might seem strange to some, but I'm the type of person that doesn't get on my knees a whole bunch.  I tend to be constantly having a conversation with the Lord throughout the day.  I talk to Him when I'm in the car alone, when I'm walking, almost all the time.  I'm always saying a little prayer of gratitude for the weather or the beauty of the mountains or the fact that I made it home just seconds before my kindergartner would've arrived home to an empty house because my errands went long.  I pray for help as I'm writing or when I'm lost.  I pray that my appointment won't have been canceled when I'm late because I forgot to put it on my calendar.  Maybe it's a side-effect of having so much going on all the time, but my mind is never quiet.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but the only time I get on my knees to pray (other than for family prayer), is when I really need something.  If I'm struggling with a decision, or I'm having a particularly troublesome time with something in my life, I go in my room and shut the door and kneel by my bed.  I plead with Heavenly Father.  Sometimes I cry.  Sometimes I pray silently, and sometimes out loud.  I lay out my problem, and most of the time I can say "Thy will be done".  Not always though.  Sometimes, even though I know I shouldn't, I purposely leave that phrase out.  Sometimes I want my will to be done, not His.  So I don't say it.  There have been a couple of times that I've even avoided praying about something, because I don't want to know the answer.  Horrible, I know.  As if Heavenly Father isn't aware of my struggles unless I pray about them.  I think that it could be a little bit of my stubbornness, or my need to control every situation.  Sometimes it's difficult for me to turn that control over, even to the Lord.

Wherefore, brethren, seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand.  For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy, over all his works. (Jacob 4:10)

How often have I tried to "counsel the Lord"?  To tell Him what I think is best for me?  Probably more often than I even realize.  The greatest example of this that I can think of is in my church callings.  I have never turned down a church calling, but that definitely doesn't mean that I've been thrilled with the callings I've accepted.  I've cried in the Bishop's office more than once when I was extended a call.  I've asked Heavenly Father to give me a different calling.  But with every calling, I have been greatly blessed.    Of course I was supposed to be there!  Heavenly Father knew what I needed to learn at that stage in my life, and extended the call that would fill that need.  He does counsel "in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy" - always.  And whether I am on my knees or in my car, He is listening to me, ready to impose his will.  But only if I will accept it.  Only if I can stop trying to counsel Him long enough for him to be able to counsel me.

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©Darrell Wyatt