Bye Bye, Cave Guy

What is it about women and grudges?  There has to be some sort of special "grudge storage" built right into our brains.  Sure, there are women who don't hold grudges, and there are some men who do, but I would say for the most part that it's a very accurate stereotype.

I've always thought of myself as one of those women who don't hold grudges.  I try very hard to just let things go.  I really don't get offended very easily.  For the most part, I don't absorb very many things that I could take personally.  I have discovered as of late, however, that the offenses from other people that I don't absorb must give me extra room in the "grudge storage" for my kids and husband.  Whereas I can let a lot of things bounce off of me outside of my house, when I'm with my family, I'm a vacuum.  I suck it all in, and it takes me quite awhile to empty it out.

Painting at Bonneville Dam Electrician's Shop                             ©Darrell Wyatt

This is how my family must picture me sometimes.  I'm sure that when my kids get home from school, they're not sure which of my personalities they're going to be greeted by.  Will I be happy to see them, or will something that happened during the day - something disastrous like me tripping over a shoe - have put me in a knuckle-dragging, grunting state of mind?  I'm not sure what happened to turn me into a half woman, half neanderthal, but I've let it happen. 

Once again, while reading, I was taught a valuable lesson.

Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them 
their trespasses against me. (Mosiah 26:30)

There is no one that has faced more personal offense than Jesus Christ.  Yet, he not only forgives each time that forgiveness is asked, he suffered so that his offenders would be able to have eternal life.  He is the ultimate example of letting go of grudges.  I want to be more like Him.

My goal would be for my kids to come home to a feeling of peace.  That our home would be a refuge from the storm that is their daily lives.  I have to be the grown-up in order for that to happen.  I have to let go of the unimportant things and understand that my kids are not perfect.  They're going to make mistakes, and they're going to say they're sorry.  I don't need to make them sorry for the entire day or week or month by constantly bringing up those mistakes.  I have to treat them as I would treat people outside of my home, and not take them for granted.  They are magnificent!  It's my job to remind them of that fact every possible second.  It's time to bury my inner caveman and empty my "grudge storage".  It's time for me to forgive as often as is necessary.  Will I be perfect at it?  Probably not, but I'm sure going to give it a good effort and start over as many times as it takes to get it right.

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