Rejoice, O My Heart!

I have spent the last almost eight years in the throes of a moderate depression.  It hasn't been so bad that I was incapacitated, but pretty close.  I have had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.  I don't get my mail.  I don't answer my phone.  My house, while not quite "Hoarders" worthy, is not the epitome of cleanliness. My kids are survivors - because, in my slump, I have forced them to be.  They have made it through these years almost motherless.  It's just been sometimes too hard to deal with the everyday aspects of parenting six kids.  But that is changing.  I have been happy!  I sometimes find myself filled to the brim with a sense of pure joy.  I hum.  I sing.  I read with my kids.  I cook.  And why?  There are still bills in the mail.  There are still phone calls I don't want to take.  My house is still cluttered.  I still have six kids.  So what changed?

At the start of the new year, I made some goals.  Shocking and unheard of, I know.  I made a goal to read my scriptures daily, and to start running.  The really shocking part is that, for the most part, I kept those goals.  I finished the Book of Mormon in a little more than six months.  I ran for three months, but have lost my motivation for that one and am working on getting it back.  But I changed!  How many times did I hear from people, including my husband, that if I would get some exercise and read my scriptures, I would feel so much better?  And they were right.  It's not that I hadn't exercised or read my scriptures in eight years, because I had.  I think the difference this time was that I set out to do it with no expectations.  It was my idea.  I decided to make the change.  And it is working!

For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them...Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

Maybe that's it. Maybe I find myself so happy during the day because the scriptures that I read in the morning stay with me throughout the day.  Maybe, without me consciously knowing it, my heart is pondering upon the things which I have read.  

©Darrell Wyatt

I love 2 Nephi, Chapter 4, for a few reasons, but today I was brought to tears by the extremely personal nature of Nephi's writing.  He gets a little down on himself, even calling himself a "wretched man", because he feels the weight of his iniquities.  But he says, "Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted."  He knows that Heavenly Father is there.

My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.  He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

That is exactly how I feel some days!  I feel such love. Such happiness.  God has been my support through my afflictions.  I understand what Nephi meant when he said "even unto the consuming of my flesh".  It's just an overwhelming feeling of joy.  I am being brought out of this dark, dreary place by the love of God.

Awake, my soul!  No longer droop in sin.  Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.  Do not anger again because of mine enemies.  Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.  Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation...O Lord, I have trusted in thee and I will trust in thee forever...Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh.  Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness.  Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee,
my rock and mine everlasting God.  Amen.

Click here to read what I read today: Chapter 3 

Click here to read what I read today: Chapter 4