What Doesn't Kill You...

I've spent a lot of time the last few days pondering the things that I read about the Three Nephites.

 Therefore, that they might not taste of death there was a change wrought upon their bodies, that they might not suffer pain nor sorrow save it it were for the sins of the world. (3Nephi 28:38)

Copyright Darrell Wyatt Photography

The part of the chapter that I've been really thinking the most about is that Jesus promised them that they would never suffer pain or sorrow, "save it were for the sins of the world".  At first glance, this seems like the perfect life.  They would never know physical pain.  They could not be harmed.  In fact, I learned from reading that they were cast into prison, cast into pits, cast into a furnace (3 times!), and cast into a den of wild beasts twice.  The prison walls collapsed, the pits were not deep enough to hold them, they received no harm from the furnaces, and they were found playing with the wild beasts "as a child with a suckling lamb".  Nothing could hurt them.  They would never know the pain of death.  There was "a change wrought upon them, insomuch that Satan could have no power over them, that he could not tempt them; and they were sanctified in the flesh, that they were holy, and the the powers of the earth could not hold them"(3 Nephi 28:39).  Sounds marvelous.

As I was thinking though, I couldn't wrap my mind around them not feeling sorrow, "save it were for the sins of the world".  I've felt some physical pain in my life - childbirth, broken bones, cuts, burns, things like that.  I've also felt sorrow.  I've felt sorrow at the death of a loved one.  I've felt the sorrow of watching a friend slowly waste away because of disease. This past week, especially, I've experienced what was - to me - almost unbearable sorrow because of the inevitable suffering of people I care about due to choices they've made in their lives.  I think that might be the worst kind of sorrow, because unlike death or disease, sin can be avoided.  If given the chance to decide, I think that there are many times that physical pain would be preferable to feeling that kind of sorrow.

So why would Jesus take away everything but that?  Why would he allow the Three Nephites to escape everything but sorrow for the sins of the world?  If anyone knew the pain of that kind of sorrow, it was Jesus Christ.  Just days earlier, he had bled from every pore because he took upon himself the sins of the world.  The only thing that I could conclude after careful thought and prayer, is that they needed to feel that sorrow.  Perhaps it is the motivation that they need to keep going.  They have lived through some incredible and horrific times these last almost two thousand years.  They have seen the cycles of righteousness and wickedness. I've wondered these last two days if it ever becomes overwhelming to them - the sorrow that they must feel for the increasingly sinful nature of the world.  Or are they too busy bringing "the souls of men unto" Christ to be overwhelmed?

And for this cause ye shall have fulness of joy; and ye shall sit down in the kingdom of my Father; yea, your joy shall be full, even as the Father hath given me fulness of joy; and ye shall be even as I am...(3 Nephi 28:10)

Because of the great sorrow that these men must feel, the joy that they will experience at the coming of Christ will be all the more sweet.  They will "live to behold all the doings of the Father unto the children of men".  The will see both joy and sorrow in prophesies being fulfilled.  They will truly earn their eternal reward.  Because they have seen the utmost sorrow, they will feel the utmost joy. 

I don't think I've ever spent as much time pondering any scripture passage as I have this one.  Even as I was typing my thoughts, I wasn't sure what Heavenly Father would have me learn from reading these chapters.  Until right now.  There are two thoughts that just came into my head.  First, I realized that no one is exempt from sorrow.  Jesus Christ felt sorrow more fully than I could even imagine.  Why should I think I can go through my life without it?  The second thing that I realized is that Heavenly Father is aware of all of our sorrows.  If we can but endure through them to the end, we also can taste of that fulness of joy that was promised to the Three Nephites.  We will also be able to sit down in the kingdom of our Father, where our earthly sorrows will be turned to joy.  What a blessing!

Suffer the Little Children

But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me; for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 19:14)

And it came to pass that he commanded that their little children should be brought.

So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him, and Jesus stood in the midst; and the multitude gave way till they had all been brought to him.(3 Nephi 17:11-12)

And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

And when he had done this he wept again;

And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them:  Behold your little ones. (3Nephi 17:21-23)

My grandmother's viewing was held on Sunday, the day before her funeral.  It was a solemn experience, seeing her so motionless.  In life, Grandma was anything but motionless.  She was a ball of fire - always on the go.  So it was a little strange to see her lifeless body on display.  It seemed like there was a long stream of people who came to pay their respects.  As grandchildren and great grandchildren, we mostly stayed off to the side, letting other people have their quiet moment with her.  We took family pictures and talked and looked at the display of Grandma's life to pass the time.  

As I was talking to my dad, my eyes wandered to the other side of the large room, where I saw that my little girls and some of their cousins were playing a game of patty-cake.  They were clapping their hands together and dancing and singing loudly - right in front of my grandma's casket.   Thinking that this probably wasn't an appropriate time or place for such behavior, I walked over and told them that they needed to stop because it might be making some people uncomfortable.  They obediently and quietly walked to the other side of the room.

Photo by Scott Kirk

In retrospect, I wish I wouldn't have stopped them.  I'm sure that, somewhere, my grandmother was smiling.  She loved music and games.  I sometimes hear the catch phrase "What Would Jesus Do?".  I think in this situation, instead of stopping the girls, Jesus may have joined them.  He loved little children.  He showed that through his words and actions.  He often counseled that everyone should be as little children - pure and meek and mild.  I think that I've lost some of that childlike innocence.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a [woman], I put away childish things. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

How boring.  I have let the stresses and responsibilities of life crowd out some very important behaviors.  I need to learn again how to speak and understand and think as a child.  I must become less uptight and starchy.  Stop sweating the small stuff.  That's what Jesus would have me do.

A long time ago, in a beautiful place, children were gathered 'round Jesus.  He blessed and taught as they felt of his love - each saw the tears on his face.  The love that he felt for his little ones, I know he feels for me.  I did not touch him or sit on his knee, but Jesus is real to me.  Wrapped in the arms of my Savior's love, I feel his gentle touch.  Living each day, I will follow his way - home to my Father above.  I know he lives.   I will follow faithfully.  My heart I give to him.  I know that my Savior loves me. (I know that my Savior Loves Me, words and music by Tami Jeppson Creamer and Derena Bell)

How grateful I am for the knowledge that my Savior loves me - even if I am uptight and starchy.  Once again, I can look to my children as an example of Christlike behavior.  What a blessing.

 Click here to read what I read today: 3 Nephi 17

Because I Love Them

There's a fine line, I think, between parenting and over-parenting.  I don't know that I've really discovered where that line is yet, but I do think I'm getting better at seeing the line between parenting and under-parenting.  There are just so many different forms of "acceptable" parenting today.  To spank or not to spank.  Is grounding ok?  Are chores fine?  It can be pretty confusing.

There's one thing that I wish I would have discovered when my children were much younger and I hadn't had time to totally mess them up, and that's that the scriptures are perhaps one of the greatest parenting resources around.  As I've been writing, I've noticed the amazing example that my Heavenly Father is when it comes to parenting, and this has been such a blessing to me.

Something that I've really struggled with as my children get older is when to let them go.  At what age to say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices."  I never really thought that I was a control freak, but these teenage years have really brought that out in me, and I've had such an inner battle about when to let go.

And now remember, remember, my brethren, that whosoever perisheth, perisheth unto himself; and whosoever doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold, ye are free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free. (Helaman 14:30)

From that verse, it would appear that there is a time that I should just leave it up to my kids to be responsible for their actions, once they've received the knowledge that they should have.  They have their own free agency, and if I've given them the tools that they need, then they will just have to make their own choices and suffer the consequences.  This didn't help clear my mind at all when it comes to letting go.  How will I know when they're ready?  Does my job as a mother just magically end when I feel that I've taught them all the essential skills to make it on their own?

I kept reading, and I'm so glad that I did.

...yea, in the days of their iniquities hath he chastened them because he loveth them. (Helaman 15:3)

Samuel was talking of the Nephites, to whom the Lord had imparted the most knowledge and the most trust.  They were going astray, and Samuel had been sent to preach repentance to them.  The Lord did not say, "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and then turn his back on them.  No.  He gave them that knowledge, taught them how to live, and when they were living incorrectly he chastised them and tried to help them correct their courses.  Whether they listened and repented was still their choice.  He didn't take away that agency, his purpose was to enhance it by reminding them of the consequences. 

When my children were younger, and I could see that they were headed out into the street or toward some other danger, I didn't say "Well, I've given them all the knowledge that they need, and it's up to them to make their own choices" and just hope that they wouldn't get hit by a car or fall in the river.  I stopped them.  So why am I struggling now, as they get older, to lead them the same way?  They are still wandering into danger.  Just a different kind.  No matter what the world is telling me about letting them "be themselves", it is still my responsibility to lead and direct them.  Things are becoming clearer and clearer in my mind, thanks to the incredible example of my Father in Heaven.  I am not nagging when I'm redirecting them.  I am not over-parenting.  I chasten them because I love them. 

A Mighty Fortress

Copyright Darrell J. Wyatt

Heaps of earth round about all the cities. 

Timbers "built up to the height of a man" atop these heaps of earth round about all the cities.

Strong and high pickets upon the timbers atop these heaps of earth round about all the cities. 

Towers erected to overlook the pickets upon the timbers atop these heaps of earth round about all the cities. 

Places of security built upon the towers erected to overlook the pickets upon the timbers atop these heaps of earth round about all the cities.

"Thus Moroni did prepare strongholds against the coming of their enemies, round about every city in all the land." (Alma 50:1-6)

I've always admired Captain Moroni. He was young, fearless, wise and strategic, among many other things. At the top of the list of his leadership qualities, his preparedness saved the lives of thousands of people on several different occasions. It's important to note that these particular preparations were made during a time of relative peace amongst the Nephites. Sure, they had to throw some rocks and shoot a few arrows from the top of their "places of security" every once in awhile to keep out those pesky Lamanites, but Moroni's leadership gave the people confidence in their safety. In fact, this confidence gave them the freedom to "prosper exceedingly...and wax strong in the land."

"But behold, there never was a happier time among the people of Nephi...than in the days of Moroni." (Alma 50:23)

This prosperity and peace lasted for several years, until a contention over land rights began to boil. What started out as a quarrel over property quickly eroded the unity of the Nephite people. They formed two separate divisions - one that supported the government and one for whom the overthrow of the government was their end goal. There was warring. There were murders and secret plots. There was great disharmony.

"And thus because of iniquity amongst themselves, yea, because of dissensions and intrigue among themselves they were placed in the most dangerous circumstances." (Alma 53:9)

All the time and effort that was expended by Moroni and his armies in fortifying each city against outside forces was undone by contention within the fortress-like walls. 

I see a close parallel between this time, more than 2000 years ago, and our present circumstances. Though we are not fighting a literal, physical war with an ever-threatening foe as were the Nephites for nearly one-third of The Book of Mormon, we are most definitely at spiritual war with a relentless and savage adversary. Like the Lamanites, his goal is to "usurp great power over [us], and also that he might gain power over [us] by bringing [us] into bondage," (Alma 43:8)

We know this. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are keenly aware of the danger coming at us from all directions. So what do we do? Ideally, we fortify our homes as Moroni fortified his cities. We close every opportunity for the adversary to gain entrance into our places of security. We become unified as families. We keep up our preparations, even in times of peace and prosperity. We fling the rocks of family scripture study and fire off the arrows of Family Home Evening when we can feel him drawing ever nearer.

Lehi was the first Book of Mormon prophet to preach the importance of family unity when he, on his deathbed, told his children, "...be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity." (2 Nephi 1:21)

Our family unity is the key to surviving the onslaught of the adversary. Contention is his key to unlocking our front doors and letting himself in. No amount of figurative heaps of earth or turrets or towers will be enough to keep him out if we are not united inside.

"...We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets."(The Family: A Proclamation to the World."

Let us not allow all of our fortifications to be undone by contention in our homes. Let us be united in such a way that the power of Satan will be dispelled on every side. We have the promise of the Lord that if we keep the commandments, we will be "delivered at all times." (Alma 50:22)

I testify that if we do our part, He will do His.

The Profit

I have been a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for my whole life. As such, I have held numerous positions or "callings", as we refer to them in the church. I suppose my first official calling came when I was around twelve years old. I was called to the Beehive Presidency. Beehives are girls, ages 12 and 13, and the class presidency is responsible for such things as watching over and fellowshiping class members, "especially those who are new members or less active and those who have disabilities or other special needs. They pray for them, spend time with them, and become genuine friends. They help class members establish close friendships, learn leadership skills, and live the gospel. They help each young woman know that she is welcome when she becomes a member of their class.They support class members’ efforts in the Personal Progress program. They hold regular class presidency meetings.They conduct the Sunday meetings for their classes. They help plan activities, including Mutual. The class presidents serve on the bishopric youth committee (Handbook 2: Administering the Church, 10.3.5). " That's a lot of responsibility for a 12 year-old, but I don't remember ever feeling burdened by it.

Through the years, I have held callings in the Primary, the Young Women, and the Relief Society organizations. I have been a Sports Director for the Young Women's sports program. I, along with my husband, was in charge of monthly youth dances for a time. I'm currently a Gospel Doctrine teacher, which gives me the opportunity to study the scriptures way more deeply than I have ever done before.  I am teaching doctors, lawyers, judges, and teachers. My class consists of former Mission Presidents and their wives, former Area Authorities, Seminary teachers, Bishops and Stake Presidents. It's a calling for which I feel at worst unqualified and at best inadequate. Of all of the callings that have stretched me as a person, this one has got to be at the top of the list.

I was thinking of these callings today, as I read chapter 30 in the book of Alma. In the LDS church, our clergy are unpaid. From the nursery leader to the scoutmaster to the Bishop, there is no monetary compensation for the sometimes countless hours spent performing duties.

"And now, if we do not receive anything for our labors in the church, what doth it profit us to labor in the church...?" (Alma 30:34)

What does it profit me? I have pondered this question more than once. What am I getting out of this? So much time and so much energy, both physical and emotional, are required to "magnify" my callings. What's in it for me?

If I were to compose a list of the things that I have benefited from by accepting callings, it would undoubtedly be shockingly incomplete. The blessings are innumerable, but I thought it important to name a just few:

I'm grateful for the empowering nature of the organization of the church. Thanks to primary talks and class presidency callings, my kids are growing up to be confident, compassionate young adults. They have been speaking in public since they were three years old, so giving a speech in school is second nature. They have been looking after the needs of their peers and planning meetings for many years, which will give them so much the advantage in the corporate world, should they choose that path. My daughters are being taught that, contrary to what the world says, being a wife and mother is a noble and fulfilling privilege and responsibility. If there were nothing else, the blessing of seeing my children empowered would be profit enough for my labors in the church.

But there is more. I have been blessed to grow my testimony of the spiritual mantle that comes with each calling extended by the Lord through his servants. Whether I am planning a youth dance or teaching doctrine from the scriptures, I have felt the comforting support of the spirit guiding and directing my decisions. My mind is quick to understand the sometimes complex principles and doctrine, and my desire to learn is immeasurable. Because of this, I, an uneducated homemaker, can teach with power and authority - even to those whom I am far less experienced than in the matters of the gospel.

This all translates to my family life, where I know that the Lord is with me as I lead my household. The family is central to God's plan of salvation, and if he will lift me up as a once-a-month Sunday School teacher, he will most certainly lift me up in my desire to raise righteous children.

What doth it profit me to labor in the church? Everything.

My (miserable, wonderful, hard, rewarding) Job

Behold, it is expedient that much should be done among this people, because of the hardness of their hearts, and the deafness of their ears, and the blindness of their minds, and the stiffness of their necks; nevertheless, God is exceedingly merciful unto them, and has not as yet swept them off from the face of the land.(Jarom 1:3)

The last time I read the Book of Mormon, I remember reading this verse on a particularly hard mom-of-a-teenage-daughter day.  I had really had enough of the deafness of her ears and the blindness of her mind.  I was ready to get out my broom and sweep her off the face of the land.  She didn't think it was as funny as I did.  

Today, as I was reading, the teenager comparison was still in my mind (maybe because I had written "teenagers" and a little smiley face in the margin the last time I read), but as I continued to read, I could look at it a little more from my daughter's point of view. "And the laws of the land were exceedingly strict" (Jarom 1:5).  I do have some strict rules for my kids.  Nothing outrageous or harsh, but I am much more strict than some of their friends' parents.  They have a curfew.  They have dating rules ("so lame").  They have certain jobs around the house.  There are limits to cell phone use and video game use.  They have a bedtime (this doesn't seem crazy to me, but believe it or not, they have friends with no set bedtime).  I have to know where they are and who they're with and what they're doing as much as it is possible for me to do so.  I expect respect, not only for me but for other adults and, most importantly, I demand that they respect themselves.  Right now, they certainly are of the opinion that "the laws of the land are exceedingly strict".  

These days, in the world, there is much discussion on parental behavior.  It seems that the general consensus is that we must be our kids' friends.  We must not hinder their growth with things like rules and chores.  We must let them discover who they are by giving them the freedom to explore.  While I agree that kids need some room to explore and to make mistakes, I also firmly believe that without boundaries, it's actually much tougher for them to figure out who they really are.  There is so much coming at them from all directions.  There is no room for inner reflection - only the world telling them what they should wear and what entertainment they should like and ultimately who they should be.

Much like the Lamanites and Nephites were at constant battle with each other, my kids walk out the door every morning to face a battle of their own.  They have to make so many choices!  Who to be with, who to listen to.  They (especially the older kids) battle with me at least a few times a week because they feel that I'm being unreasonable.  Just yesterday, I was "forcing" my daughter to do something that she didn't want to do.  We had made a deal earlier in the day that if she completed this task, she would be able to make some plans for last night.  At the time, she didn't have any specific plans, but I knew that something would inevitably come up, it being a Saturday night and all.  I reminded her many times throughout the day that she'd better get started.  There was always a reason why she would start "in a minute".  Finally, I forced her to begin.  In the middle of the task, a friend invited her to a concert, for which she would be leaving any minute.  My daughter begged and pleaded with me to let her go, even though the job wasn't done.  I wouldn't budge.  Because I was standing my ground, I was dubbed "ridiculous" and "lame" and I believe a "stupid" or two was thrown in there.  I didn't flinch.  Now don't think that I never flinch, because sometimes do I not only flinch, I explode.  But last night, I didn't flinch.  I helped her finish the job, and we got it done just in time for her to still be able to go to the concert with her friend.  Suddenly, I was the best mom ever.  Only in fairytales and motherhood can one be a wicked witch, a superhero and a princess - all in the same day.

Parenting is hard.  Parenting done correctly is harder.  It's not easy to enforce rules and expect good behavior.  Kids will be kids.  But, because I love them, I make rules.  I want them to succeed.  Just as the Lord said, "Inasmuch as ye will keep my commandments ye shall prosper in the land" (Jarom 1:9), I know that if I make and enforce just and fair rules for my kids, they will prosper by following them.  My parents were strict.  They expected many of the same things of me as I expect of my kids.  At times I did think the rules were unreasonable.  But now, having kids of my own, I can see the wisdom of my parents and the boundaries they set, and I am so grateful for them.

Wherefore, the prophets, and the priests, and the teachers, did labor diligently, exhorting with all long-suffering the people to diligence;...

...for they did prick their hearts with the word, continually stirring them up unto repentance. (Jarom 1:11-12)    

Labor diligently.  Exhort.  Be long-suffering.  Continually.  Just as the prophets and teachers of old did not give up, I cannot give up.  My job is too important!  It's hard work, and it is worth every ounce of  labor and long-suffering.  I think I'll keep that broom in the closet for a little while longer.

The Mountain of the Lord's House

©Darrell Wyatt

I have a temple 3.63 miles from my front door.  I know, because I just mapped it.  According to the map, it would take me 12 minutes to get from my house to the Logan Temple.  In fact, if I were to travel around 8 hours in any direction, I could have the pick of 24 temples.  Eight hours!  Twenty-four temples!  I've heard stories of people who sell everything they have and travel for days, just to be able to attend the temple one time.

Isaiah foretold of the building of temples in the last days:

And it shall come to pass in the last days, when the mountain of the Lord's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills, and all nations shall flow unto it.

And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob...(2 Nephi 12:2-3)

And people are coming from all nations.  Right now, there are 178 temples, including the ones just announced or under construction.  There are temples on all but one continent.  That is incredible to me.  

I remember watching General Conference in 1998, when President Hinckley made this announcement:

As I have previously indicated, in recent months we have traveled far out among the membership of the Church. I have been with many who have very little of this world's goods. But they have in their hearts a great burning faith concerning this latter-day work. They love the Church. They love the gospel. They love the Lord and want to do His will. They are paying their tithing, modest as it is. They make tremendous sacrifices to visit the temples. They travel for days at a time in cheap buses and on old boats. They save their money and do without to make it all possible.

They need nearby temples--small, beautiful, serviceable temples.

Accordingly, I take this opportunity to announce to the entire Church a program to construct some 30 smaller temples immediately. They will be in Europe, in Asia, in Australia and Fiji, in Mexico and Central and South America and Africa, as well as in the United States and Canada. They will have all the necessary facilities to provide the ordinances of the Lord's house. (Gordon B. Hinckley, April 1998)

Goosebumps.  At the time that he said this, there were 51 operating temples and 17 under construction, with these 30 smaller temples bringing the total number to 98.  Then he said, "I think we had better add 2 more to make it an even 100 by the end of this century."  I remember thinking that this was almost an unreachable goal.  The Church was almost 170 years old, and only 51 temples had been built.  President Hinckley wanted to double that amount in just two years!  Here we are, 17 years after his talk, and 125 more temples have been built or announced since then.  What a testimony to me of the greatness of having a living prophet on this earth.  Just as Isaiah did almost 2700 years ago, President Hinckly knew, without a doubt, that this almost impossible undertaking would be possible.  He knew that all nations needed to be able to attend the temple.  And knew that this would make it much easier for them to do so.  I can only imagine the excitement of those in other countries who were watching conference or who read his words later in church magazines.  I bet the feeling of gratitude was overwhelming.  The Lord had remembered them!  He knew of their desire to perform temple ordinances and to move the gospel forward.  He knew them.

Prophets and temples and prophesies fulfilled. What a glorious dispensation in which to live!